Friday, December 31, 2004
[[identity - 30.12.04]]
"Sometimes - perhaps only for an instant - we fail to recognise a companion. When this happens to lovers, the effect is acute: for a moment the identity of the loved one ceases to exist, and we come to doubt our own."
Surprising.. As much as I tried to compose myself.. I could not.. I lost it.. Out of the league.. Out of the game.. My identity.. I tried so hard to disguise.. What others see are physical scars.. That could be healed.. What I felt.. Was emotional scars.. that remained.. in tym to come..
Like an unpredictable weather.. All came at once.. The heart was stabbed.. once more.. Till it could no longer feel anythin.. Even if an eraser could erase the markings left by the pencil.. The paper still has the scars.. The pencil can continue writing.. The eraser can continue to erase.. But the paper.. will be trashed..
Leaf's depart is bcoz of Wind's pursuit or bcoz Tree didn't ask Leaf to stay..
The ans:
There is a tym for leaf to leave.. It will be sooner or later..
But in my case.. The leaf left.. Long b4.. coz the Tree wasn't suitable..
emotionally charged.-evewbb 2:00 AM
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
[[beverly craven - 29.12.04]]
You light up another cigarette
and I pour the wine
It's four o'clock in the morning
and it's starting to get light
now I'm right where I want to be
losing track of time
but I wish that it was still last night
You look like you're in another world
but I can read your mind
how can you be so far away
lying by my side
when I go away I'll miss you
and I will be thinking of you
every night and day just ...
Promise me you'll wait for me
'cos I'll be saving all my love for you
and I will be home soon
Promise me you'll wait for me
I need to know you feel the same way too
and I'll be home, I'll be home soon
When I go away I'll miss you
and I will be thinking of you
every night and day just ...
Promise me you'll wait for me
'cos I'll be saving all my love for you
and I will be home soon
Promise me you'll wait for me
I need to know you feel the same way too
and I'll be home, I'll be home soon
Promise me you'll wait for me
'cos I'll be saving all my love for you
and I will be home soon
Promise me you'll wait for me
I need to know you feel the same way too
and I'll be home, I'll be home soon
emotionally charged.-evewbb 7:37 PM
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
[[hmm.. - 28.12.04]]
Hmm.. Amazingly..
Was watching a korean show on SCV and towards the ending.. something fell from my eyes.. and rolled down my right cheek.. i dunno if i had managed to kept it for so long tt now it decided to escape.. I nva get emotional when watching shows.. but this time.. i dunno if i am thinkin of somethin..
Had this dream a few days back.. It was so real to an extent.. It was traumatising enough.. First time I msg her.. "Can you dun leave..?" Hmm.. I guess.. Even as an acquaintance.. Even as a fren.. I will like her to be there.. Dunno why..
emotionally charged.-evewbb 11:13 PM
Sunday, December 26, 2004
[[moment - 25.12.04]]
Hmm.. She finally accepted the gift..
The clue..
"I cherish every MOMENT with you.. If I have a choice.. Let it be for ETERNITY"
Hmm.. My xmas gifts this year.. Astroboy figurine.. Astroboy cup.. And a book.. And ty bear..
emotionally charged.-evewbb 11:07 PM
Saturday, December 25, 2004
[[merry xmas - 24.12.04 to 25.12.04]]
Hmm.. Seems like the no. of ppl celebrating this event together is getting lesser.. and indeed lesser.. Last year.. Xmas countdown was at cafe cartel and Obar with cat, eveline, joan, willyn, nikki and jasmine.. this year.. due to I was late.. we only had cat, eveline, joan and myself for xmas xchange..
Hmm.. After racking my brains for the past week.. I finally decided on what to buy.. I only needed 2 presents.. One for xchange.. One.. Itz for lil princess.. Went down to town immediately.. Noted what I wanted.. And infm the salesperson to giftwrap it for me.. Hmm.. Think itz quite exquisite too.. Hmm.. Itz supposed to be a surprise..!
Hmm.. Initially thought was able to celebrate xmas with her.. but something cropped up.. So she went to esplanade.. while i went to fullerton.. after tt newton.. and east coast..
Hmm.. Went over to her area.. Had a quarrel.. First time reaching home at 7am in the morning.. I never felt so lost and helpless..
emotionally charged.-evewbb 10:56 PM
Sunday, December 19, 2004
[[i wished - 19.12.04]]
i wish upon a s t a r
wanna be right where you are
you set my world on fire
babe i got a crush on you
i wish upon a s t a r
cant you see how right we are
we should be together
babe i got a crush on you
i used to turn around and walk away
never stopped to play
cause dere was no attraction
but in my heart you start to grow on me
kind of suddenly
so now I've change direction
knowing it might seems strange
love came over me
feeling that luck has changed
do you want me, like i want you?
in dis cold world, where dreams are few
baby, i want you
is it too much to ask for?
i'll take you to places you nvr been
if you jus give in
so babe, its now or nvr
me and you,
you and me
living a life in harmony
its magic,
babe i've got a crush on yew
._____ii llurfe yoo_____.
emotionally charged.-evewbb 1:47 PM
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
[[died - 15.12.04]]
finally.. it was laid to rest.. rest in peace it was inscribed..
it didnt stir.. it stopped.. everything stopped.. and i stopped..
emotionally charged.-evewbb 4:01 PM
[[love - 14.12.04]]
"i would like to teach you, not to love me, my love, but to tell me you do.."
-chiara cabassi
the pain comes from right within the heart..
i am serious.. i am true..
but i guess..
emotionally charged.-evewbb 1:45 AM
Friday, December 10, 2004
[[knife - 09.12.04]]
Hmm.. Was on the line with Joanne when we heard this familiar tune on class 95 fm.. We tune up the volume and kept quiet on the line till the song was over.. Yes.. Itz titled "knife".. Just depicts how I am feeling now..
You touched my life
With your softness in the night
My wish was your command
Until you ran out of love
I tell myself i'm free
Got the chance of livin just for me
No need to hurry home
Now that you are gone
CHORUS:
Knife
Cuts like a knife
How will I ever heal
Im so deeply wounded
Knife
Cuts like a knife
You cut away the heart of my life
When I pretend
Wear a smile to fool my dearest friends
I wonder if they know
It's just a show
I'm on a stage
Day and night I go through my charades
But how can I disguise
What's in my eyes
I have tried and tried
Blocking out the pain
I feel inside
The pain of wanting you
Wanting you
//d feelings
emotionally charged.-evewbb 1:26 PM
Thursday, December 02, 2004
[[faded.. - 01.12.04]]
I dugged a hole in the sand.. I placed the key inside.. Taking one last look.. I buried everything tt I brought with me.. Memories couldnt be erased.. They were to stay with me.. Forever..
I left..
A foolish mistake I made.. She changed her attitude overnight.. Not even the acquaintances we once were.. More of strangers..
Once more.. The knife was attempted at my heart.. But this time.. It couldn't fit in.. Simply.. Coz itz wounded.. There were too many stab wounds to begin with.. The last one was disastrous.. My heart.. It just died..
Flashback! Flashback! My memories keep my heart going.. Memories of her.. Memories of words she said.. Actions she had.. And the her.. who stirred and stole my heart..
Peace.. I just want to tell her how much I like her.. Peace.. With myself.. My inner thts.. You know I want to be more than just a fren.. Even if I have to wait.. I will..
Before you pick up the knife again.. Think of a heart tt once died for you..
/in memory of a heart..
emotionally charged.-evewbb 11:14 AM
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
[[decode.. - 01.12.04]]
As much as I love deciphering.. It comes to a time when everything becomes neutral..
The last SMS u sent.. I have deciphered it..
Each time I open a door.. To find another shut on me.. Each time I unlock a lock.. The key doesnt work a second time..
vjg eqfg jt dtqmgp.. [BUT] ku vjg nqem wpnqem..?
k [managed] vq [enter] aqwt dmqi [with] aqwt eqfg.. [BUT] how can i make you mine..?
/i looked back TWICE.. I am sure.. i did DBL..
emotionally charged.-evewbb 4:28 PM
[[fairytale.. - 01.12.04]]
A new chapter begins..
As I flipped thru the pages.. I realised I wasnt reading.. Words I couldn't see.. Images I couldn't visualised..
Everytime a chapter ends.. A new chapter will begin.. If it was memorable enough.. Yah.. I wished I could turn back time.. Reminiscing about the words that moved me.. the emotions tt stirred me.. and the her.. who stole my heart..
But if i were to linger too long in that chapter I find so beautiful.. I will never be able to move on to another chapter.. Perhaps a more beautiful chapter.. Which I have not read..
I remembered.. The first time on 23.08.04.. There wa an undeciphered poem.. The last sentence was.. None would ever be the same as "will you be with me?"
Many SMSes.. Letters.. Meetups.. Phone conversations down the road.. I never asked that same question again.. Till this very fine day.. 30.11.04.. Last day of November.. I sent her an SMS.. "Y can't you be with me..?"
She never replied..
She once told me she loves fairytales.. Coz itz always a happy ending tt one will get.. I told her once.. I love fairytales.. Although they might never come true.. She's my fairytale.. An ending I have not read.. I shall not end my chapter.. For as long as she stays.. She knows.. I truly love her..
/I am waiting.. and will continue to..
emotionally charged.-evewbb 1:16 AM
